notes

The first question was this:
Is there anything you would change in our relationship ?
And then came the thing about ''wondering if I was pleasing you.''
This was followed by (my) monologue on
obsessive masturbation
excessive masturbation
the addicted mind
brain synapses.
Insecurity was already deep. The old haunts of inadequacy came bullying through.
I pleaded not to be measured by liquid exiting this old member. I threw light on the real joys; on flaming skin tingling with ecstasy.
I compared mandarins to grapefruit. Said: That feeling last night was better than four rapid-fire, brutal, forced orgasms.
And he's been saying ever since: Well it's not a big deal for me. Why are you being so dramatic ?
This helped a little but the seed of fear was now taking over everything. And of course, what do people like me do when they're scared ?
Exactly.
Been feeling like that ever since.