My friend André

My friend André told me the other day that after he got a few hundred dollars cash for taking care of an old man, he decided to invite a couple of his bum-row friends to the Piedmontais ,a fancy French restaurant for some decent food. The old man had a Pepsi and the addict who lives in the basement had a capuccino.
André had fettuccini vongole and a bottle of Venezian Pinot Grigio.
During the meal and a few gufahs, André swallowed his false tooth. His 2K false tooth from back in the days when he was the butler for Valentino's lover Giacuomo.

Today, Andre lives in a subsidized co-op and has a hard time not wasting the few bucks he does come across, yet he never fails to have some semblance or proper priorities. Good food, good folk and maybe a few mistakes with the crumbs. If anything is left over, he'll pay for the utilities, rent, and internet provider. Most of the time, he waits until a threat of loss before forking over a government check. Then comes the inevitable phone call to Mom.
''Why don't you come over for a visit?''
And she leaves six days later, satiated with her wayward son's presence and he has a full fridge and a few bucks. Mom Whores I call them.
So the good days as majordome were the gist of his drunken tirades. No more.

The nurse that he precipitated to call once he got home told him that the tooth would show up in 3 to 6 days. So for three to six days, André collected his shit in Tupperware and put them in the freezer.
One day, with nothing better to do, his courage lubricated a bit, and the cold outside below freezing, but not uncomfortable, André defrosted his shit. Then, he went outside in the small garden behind his co-op and started sifting through it.
''I kept jerking on the border of vomit, '' he told me.
He finally found his tooth and washed it and disinfected it and put in a jar until his dentist appointment.
Once that day arrived, he couldn't find his tooth. And he hasn't seen it since.
The dentist had to put on an cheap replacement because that's all Welfare is going to pay for, and André is still looking for that reeking 2K tooth.