FORMER INFATUATION JUNKIE

Oh my God. (what have I done?)
Clarity of things past.



-
Tonight I fell upon a bar in a city where I don't live
It was a great place with great music. It was tight and full and real and just my age.
And I felt twenty again but not in a good way.
He was there, that Jake lookalike from the gay cowboy movie that everyone saw. He was pouting (kinda) and serious (kinda) and when he smiled, he lit up the room and I fell in love like kids do. And the last thing I saw was one eye (in a crowd, by the door) and my heart ached and craved and slowed a little faster.
And that's when I knew that little had changed except the reach of my agony.
The only solution I could come up with with so little time was to be alone. But not this kind of alone. That kind of alone. The good kind. The kind that makes you sexy.
I. Am. Alone.
And then I felt it: the freedom to be.
Who
I.
Am.
I ran back to the hotel in pouring rain. Felt cleansed. Assured. Knowing.
Calm and Free of expectations.
Could it be that everything had changed ?
In a moment ?