We none of us wanted a palace: we liked this humming little hell-hole with its atrophied rules and characters, its ogres and mascots. Alan Hollinghurst
The Folding Star
Last year, around this time, everything fell apart. I told myself it was time to heal. This year, everything fell apart. Come to think of it, every year, around this time, nothing goes well.
I was on my knees screaming But couldn't see the floor My heart was breaking but i'd traded it years before I'd argued for passion and high drama but grabbed the first thing and the easy way out I wanted true love but lived in my fear So i'd indulge the inevitable foretell its arrival A last chance to be special With no one to argue
But I knew I was special I was more than my ass I could outlive the inevitable and give it a pass I could fuck the small people And side with the greats I could let the tide lift me I could set my heart high I could rise with its power And make love to the sky
The feelings were real The formula wrong I was subtracting Not adding I could feel My koan
The hole I was filling Was the centre of me the problem wasn't the absence it was the infill you see.
1 comment:
I was on my knees screaming
But couldn't see the floor
My heart was breaking
but i'd traded it
years before
I'd argued for passion and
high drama
but grabbed the first thing
and the easy way out
I wanted true love
but lived in my fear
So i'd indulge the inevitable
foretell its arrival
A last chance to be special
With no one to argue
But I knew I was special
I was more than my ass
I could outlive the inevitable
and give it a pass
I could fuck the small people
And side with the greats
I could let the tide lift me
I could set my heart high
I could rise with its power
And make love to the sky
The feelings were real
The formula wrong
I was subtracting
Not adding
I could feel My koan
The hole I was filling
Was the centre of me
the problem wasn't the absence
it was the infill
you see.
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